Saturday, January 19, 2008
Memories
When I am feeling down, and missing my hubby I think of happy times. It doesn't really have to be about me and him or anything in particular,I think of anything that will make me laugh. On my way home from work last night I happened to drive by a pond with tons of ducks everywhere, and I could not help myself I just burst out laughing. I remembered taking Dip over to a friends house for a BBQ last summer. I put him around back to keep him out of trouble, well they happened to have pet ducks, and a pond. Dip chased those ducks around the back yard like a wild animal it was so funny, until he jumped in the pond with them. Oh my god, we all burst out laughing, he came up all quick and looked at me like OH $@!#!! What just happened? I grabbed him and rapped him in a sheet, and every since then he has never liked ducks.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
SLEEP & MY LIFE
I've been following some of the blogs out there. Truly there is only one I really like & that is "She Who Waits" I love her blog and the way she just puts herself out there. I look forward to reading her blog everyday, for every negative thing that happens to her she has a positive to put out, and to tell you the truth that really makes me feel better inside. The best thing is her positives about a husband not being home, I really get a kick out of that. Unfortunately, I do not have a lot of time to follow many others, as time goes by I will read into some others.
Unfortunately my life still feels like a nightmare, sleep has just become another word in the dictionary for me. What sucks is I really enjoy my sleep, not only cuz I need it to get through the day, but I also can look forward to seeing my husband's face in my dreams. I know that sounds so corny, but hey it's the truth, I can actually feel him and talk him, my dreams feel so real, I really just do not want to wake up. I feel so whole in my sleep, and when I wake up it is the exact opposite I am lonely all over again. I wake up to an empty bed, a slap in the face from reality every morning. That's what a women needs to start the day out right ;-}. The funny thing is I really try to make myself tired everyday, I do not go to bed till almost 2 a.m. and it takes a little bit longer than an hour to fall asleep and then I am wide awake again an hour. A cold, empty bed is just not ok, but I have no choice I have to go to work the next day, so I toss and turn get about 4 hours of sleep and go to work for ten hours and drink a lot of caffeine ;-} At some point I will crack and hopefully sleep for a day or two.
Ya know I really haven't given any information about myself. I will not release important information, but I will tell you somethings I will talk a lot about in the future. I have a two year old dog, named Dippers, Burritto and I have had him since the day he was born. For the first month Burritto carried him around in his shirt, it was pretty cute to tell ya the truth :-} He is the most obedient and loving dog, he will give you hugs and kisses all day. I really adore Dip he his so funny, it's like have a two year old son. He is so energetic, like when I get home, I let him out of his kennel and we will jump on the bed together for a good twenty minutes and then we'll make it..... I'd have to say seeing a dog make the bed is pretty funny :). But that is not my favorite trick of his, when he was 6 months old my mom noticed Dippers smiles. Yes, I know a lot of dogs smile, but not like my Dip. When he gets in trouble, he'll look up at you and give you this big cheesy smile, and if you yell at him for it he'll give you the "Elvis Presley" look as my family calls it, that is basically flipping you off. Even though I personally trained him and he sleeps next to me he his such a daddy's dog. He wines when daddy leaves, and he sits and just gives you this face like his best friend just turned his back on him. Ever since Burritto left, I haven't been able to leave the house with out him. Oh and believe me, it his quite hard, Walmart really is not pet friendly actually no where is really pet friendly now. If only he was a bit smaller and i could fit him in my purse, then no one would know.....
When I do leave him at home he watches me, he watches me get in my car, he watches me drive out of the drive way and then he watches me drive down the street :- {. The sad thing is he watches every car go by, and he'll get is tail going, he'll get all excited and when he realizes it's not me, he lays back down and sighs.
Dip and I live at my parent's house right now, Burritto and I want to save every dime we make this year. We really want to buy him a decent car, and we want to buy a house or condo, we hate apartments. I'll tell you what living with your parents and younger siblings is not easy. I left home at 18, actually I was given a thirty day notice to move out of my parents house, but still I know why it felt so great to be out on your own, everything is yours!! Both my siblings are in high school, and they take all my clothes, forget about keeping my nice street clothes in the house, I have to hide them in my car, otherwise months later I will find them, chewed up by the dogs. And I am a total neat freak, most the time anyway. Everything in my house has a place, and my house must be clean and organized. Not in a house of 7 though, it is not possible. I am sorry but 1500 square feet is just not big enough for so many people. Let's see my baby sister is sleeping on a futon in the family room, which is also the dinning room, I have a 110 square feet to live in and my 16 year sister has about 150 square feet and we share the same bathroom. What were my parents thinking!!! Oh did I mention we share the same bathroom, that is your basic ity bity bathroom.... OH I can barely handle it!!!! I can't stand the house anymore, everyday I have to drive up to it, I hate it just a little more, and it's a nice house, but it is really out dated.
I am not picky when it comes to music, I listen to almost everything. But it really does depend on my mood, rock is great for anger, rap and alternative is great for good moods. I love to jam out to some Bush on the way to work in the morning though, it just kicks it off the right way. Country is not on my list of favorites right now, country and a marine wife just do not clash very well. Listening to music is just one of the things I plan to do this year. I love to scrapbook and journal those to things are such a great stress reliever and going out of course. I have found going out to eat to be pretty fun, not to the same place all the time of course, but to a different place every week, it is fun to watch waiters run around. I definitely give them respect there is not a chance in hell I would do that job. I also like to drive out my frustrations, I could drive a 100 miles in one direction and never get out of my car, I would come home so happy. My latest drive was up north, oh my god it was cold!! By the way, I weigh almost nothing, cold and me do not work together very well.
Finally, I love the movies, it is basically shopping for the next addition to my collection of dvd's.
Alright now you know more about me, and of course I will go more in depth on all these subjects as time goes by. Good night.
Unfortunately my life still feels like a nightmare, sleep has just become another word in the dictionary for me. What sucks is I really enjoy my sleep, not only cuz I need it to get through the day, but I also can look forward to seeing my husband's face in my dreams. I know that sounds so corny, but hey it's the truth, I can actually feel him and talk him, my dreams feel so real, I really just do not want to wake up. I feel so whole in my sleep, and when I wake up it is the exact opposite I am lonely all over again. I wake up to an empty bed, a slap in the face from reality every morning. That's what a women needs to start the day out right ;-}. The funny thing is I really try to make myself tired everyday, I do not go to bed till almost 2 a.m. and it takes a little bit longer than an hour to fall asleep and then I am wide awake again an hour. A cold, empty bed is just not ok, but I have no choice I have to go to work the next day, so I toss and turn get about 4 hours of sleep and go to work for ten hours and drink a lot of caffeine ;-} At some point I will crack and hopefully sleep for a day or two.
Ya know I really haven't given any information about myself. I will not release important information, but I will tell you somethings I will talk a lot about in the future. I have a two year old dog, named Dippers, Burritto and I have had him since the day he was born. For the first month Burritto carried him around in his shirt, it was pretty cute to tell ya the truth :-} He is the most obedient and loving dog, he will give you hugs and kisses all day. I really adore Dip he his so funny, it's like have a two year old son. He is so energetic, like when I get home, I let him out of his kennel and we will jump on the bed together for a good twenty minutes and then we'll make it..... I'd have to say seeing a dog make the bed is pretty funny :). But that is not my favorite trick of his, when he was 6 months old my mom noticed Dippers smiles. Yes, I know a lot of dogs smile, but not like my Dip. When he gets in trouble, he'll look up at you and give you this big cheesy smile, and if you yell at him for it he'll give you the "Elvis Presley" look as my family calls it, that is basically flipping you off. Even though I personally trained him and he sleeps next to me he his such a daddy's dog. He wines when daddy leaves, and he sits and just gives you this face like his best friend just turned his back on him. Ever since Burritto left, I haven't been able to leave the house with out him. Oh and believe me, it his quite hard, Walmart really is not pet friendly actually no where is really pet friendly now. If only he was a bit smaller and i could fit him in my purse, then no one would know.....
When I do leave him at home he watches me, he watches me get in my car, he watches me drive out of the drive way and then he watches me drive down the street :- {. The sad thing is he watches every car go by, and he'll get is tail going, he'll get all excited and when he realizes it's not me, he lays back down and sighs.
Dip and I live at my parent's house right now, Burritto and I want to save every dime we make this year. We really want to buy him a decent car, and we want to buy a house or condo, we hate apartments. I'll tell you what living with your parents and younger siblings is not easy. I left home at 18, actually I was given a thirty day notice to move out of my parents house, but still I know why it felt so great to be out on your own, everything is yours!! Both my siblings are in high school, and they take all my clothes, forget about keeping my nice street clothes in the house, I have to hide them in my car, otherwise months later I will find them, chewed up by the dogs. And I am a total neat freak, most the time anyway. Everything in my house has a place, and my house must be clean and organized. Not in a house of 7 though, it is not possible. I am sorry but 1500 square feet is just not big enough for so many people. Let's see my baby sister is sleeping on a futon in the family room, which is also the dinning room, I have a 110 square feet to live in and my 16 year sister has about 150 square feet and we share the same bathroom. What were my parents thinking!!! Oh did I mention we share the same bathroom, that is your basic ity bity bathroom.... OH I can barely handle it!!!! I can't stand the house anymore, everyday I have to drive up to it, I hate it just a little more, and it's a nice house, but it is really out dated.
I am not picky when it comes to music, I listen to almost everything. But it really does depend on my mood, rock is great for anger, rap and alternative is great for good moods. I love to jam out to some Bush on the way to work in the morning though, it just kicks it off the right way. Country is not on my list of favorites right now, country and a marine wife just do not clash very well. Listening to music is just one of the things I plan to do this year. I love to scrapbook and journal those to things are such a great stress reliever and going out of course. I have found going out to eat to be pretty fun, not to the same place all the time of course, but to a different place every week, it is fun to watch waiters run around. I definitely give them respect there is not a chance in hell I would do that job. I also like to drive out my frustrations, I could drive a 100 miles in one direction and never get out of my car, I would come home so happy. My latest drive was up north, oh my god it was cold!! By the way, I weigh almost nothing, cold and me do not work together very well.
Finally, I love the movies, it is basically shopping for the next addition to my collection of dvd's.
Alright now you know more about me, and of course I will go more in depth on all these subjects as time goes by. Good night.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
The hard things in life
I believe my life ended today as I drove away from my husband. I watched him get on the bus to the land of sand.
I did not want to go out into the crowd of women who felt the same way I did. Nor did I want to go out and take pictures, this is not a day I want to remember. So we sat in the warm car and waited for formation, it was like holding my breath under water, or even waiting to die. I talked myself out of crying the whole way there, but once he let go of my hand and said goodbye, I lost it, I cried the whole way home. In five years we have not spent this much time apart, and I can tell you right now that my life this year is going to be a roller coaster of emotions. Today being the worst day of all, and tomorrow being day two of him being gone, I just do not know how to handle this. Even the dog went through some sorrow this morning, I left him at home, cuz I knew he would have wanted to jump out of the car and go with his daddy. So when I walked back into our room this morning he was laying in his dad's spot on our bed, he looked up at me and started wining. I laid down next to him and told him it was alright and that he would be home soon. We curled up in a ball together and just laid there and watched the minutes go by. As I laid there I had this horrible feeling, it felt like my heart had just been ripped out of my chest, I felt like death warmed over. And at this very moment, I feel the same way. I do not want to work, I do not want to be awake, and I definitely do not want to see people all day.
So what now do I count down the days till I'll see my hubby again, or do I go on with life without my burritto??
I did not want to go out into the crowd of women who felt the same way I did. Nor did I want to go out and take pictures, this is not a day I want to remember. So we sat in the warm car and waited for formation, it was like holding my breath under water, or even waiting to die. I talked myself out of crying the whole way there, but once he let go of my hand and said goodbye, I lost it, I cried the whole way home. In five years we have not spent this much time apart, and I can tell you right now that my life this year is going to be a roller coaster of emotions. Today being the worst day of all, and tomorrow being day two of him being gone, I just do not know how to handle this. Even the dog went through some sorrow this morning, I left him at home, cuz I knew he would have wanted to jump out of the car and go with his daddy. So when I walked back into our room this morning he was laying in his dad's spot on our bed, he looked up at me and started wining. I laid down next to him and told him it was alright and that he would be home soon. We curled up in a ball together and just laid there and watched the minutes go by. As I laid there I had this horrible feeling, it felt like my heart had just been ripped out of my chest, I felt like death warmed over. And at this very moment, I feel the same way. I do not want to work, I do not want to be awake, and I definitely do not want to see people all day.
So what now do I count down the days till I'll see my hubby again, or do I go on with life without my burritto??
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